Marriage is a beautiful journey, but let’s face it: you and I both know it’s not always smooth sailing. It takes effort, understanding, and commitment from both sides. Unfortunately, not all marriages last forever.
In Indonesia, divorce rates have been climbing, and many of these separations stem from common mistakes couples make.
Let’s dive into these pitfalls and learn from them, so you and I can avoid them in our own relationships.
1. Lack of Communication
You’ve probably heard this before, but communication is the backbone of any relationship. When couples stop talking, or worse, when they only argue, it creates a rift. In Indonesia, many divorces are filed under the legal ground of “continuous disputes and quarrels,” as outlined in the article 39 of 1974 Marriage Law. This law emphasizes that a marriage can be dissolved if it’s no longer harmonious and peaceful.
Think about it: how often do you and your spouse sit down and really talk? Not just about bills or the kids, but about your feelings, dreams, and concerns? When communication breaks down, misunderstandings pile up, and resentment grows. To avoid this, make time for open and honest conversations. Even if it’s uncomfortable, it’s better than letting silence or anger take over.
2. Infidelity
Cheating is one of the most painful betrayals in a marriage. In Indonesia, infidelity is a common reason for divorce. According to the Islamic Compilation Law in article 116, adultery is grounds for ending a marriage. Trust, once broken, is incredibly hard to rebuild.
If you’ve ever felt tempted to stray, ask yourself why. Is there something missing in your relationship? Instead of seeking comfort elsewhere, talk to your partner. Address the issues head-on. And if you’re on the receiving end of infidelity, it’s okay to feel hurt and betrayed. But before making any decisions, consider seeking counseling or mediation to see if the relationship can be salvaged.
3. Financial Problems
Money can be a sensitive topic, but it’s one that can make or break a marriage. Financial stress is a leading cause of divorce in Indonesia. Whether it’s due to unemployment, debt, or differing spending habits, money issues can create tension and conflict.
Under Government Regulation No. 1 of 1975, which implements the 1974 Marriage Law, financial responsibilities are shared between spouses. However, disagreements often arise when one partner feels the other isn’t pulling their weight. To avoid this, you and your spouse should have a clear understanding of your financial situation. Set a budget, discuss your goals, and be transparent about your income and expenses. Remember, you’re a team, work together to overcome financial challenges.
4. Interference from Extended Family
In Indonesia, family ties are strong, and extended family often plays a significant role in a couple’s life. While this can be a source of support, it can also lead to problems. When in-laws or other relatives interfere in your marriage, it can create tension and conflict.
The 1974 Marriage Law in article 31 states that a husband and wife have equal rights and responsibilities in their household. This means decisions should be made by you and your spouse, not by your parents, siblings, or anyone else. If family interference is causing issues, set boundaries. It’s okay to say no and prioritize your marriage.
5. Unrealistic Expectations
Let’s be honest: no one is perfect. But sometimes, we enter marriage with unrealistic expectations of our partner. Maybe you thought your spouse would always be romantic or that they’d never make mistakes. When reality doesn’t match your expectations, disappointment sets in.
To avoid this, focus on accepting your partner for who they are, flaws and all. Instead of dwelling on what they’re not, appreciate what they bring to the relationship. And remember, marriage is a partnership. It’s about growing together, not expecting perfection.
6. Domestic Violence
Domestic violence is a serious issue that sadly affects many marriages in Indonesia. The 1974 Marriage Law allows for divorce if one spouse is abusive, whether physically or emotionally. No one deserves to live in fear or pain, and it’s important to seek help if you’re in this situation.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, reach out to local organizations or authorities for support. Remember, leaving an abusive relationship is not a sign of weakness. It’s an act of courage.
7. Neglecting Emotional Intimacy
Physical intimacy is important, but emotional intimacy is what truly keeps a marriage strong. When couples stop connecting on an emotional level, they drift apart. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction, which are often cited as reasons for divorce.
To maintain emotional intimacy, make time for each other. Whether it’s a weekly date night or simply sharing your thoughts at the end of the day, these small gestures can make a big difference. Show your partner that you care and that they’re a priority in your life.
8. Cultural and Religious Differences
Indonesia is a diverse country with various cultures and religions. While this diversity is beautiful, it can also create challenges in a marriage. Differences in beliefs, traditions, or practices can lead to misunderstandings and conflict.
The Islamic Compilation Law emphasizes the importance of mutual respect and understanding in a marriage. If cultural or religious differences are causing tension, take the time to learn about each other’s backgrounds. Find common ground and celebrate your differences instead of letting them divide you.
9. Lack of Commitment
Marriage is a lifelong commitment, but sometimes, one or both partners lose sight of this. Whether it’s due to boredom, external pressures, or personal issues, a lack of commitment can lead to divorce.
The 1974 Marriage Law highlights the importance of mutual love, respect, and support in a marriage. If you’re feeling disconnected from your spouse, take steps to reignite the spark. Remember why you fell in love in the first place and make an effort to strengthen your bond.
10. Rushing into Marriage
Finally, one of the biggest mistakes couples make is rushing into marriage without fully understanding what it entails. Marriage is a big step, and it requires careful consideration and preparation. When couples marry too quickly, they may discover later that they’re not compatible.
If you’re considering marriage, take the time to get to know your partner. Discuss your values, goals, and expectations. And if you’re already married, it’s never too late to work on your relationship. Seek counseling or attend workshops to strengthen your bond.
Conclusion
Marriage is a journey filled with ups and downs, but it’s also one of the most rewarding experiences in life. By learning from the mistakes of others, you and I can build stronger, healthier relationships. Remember, no marriage is perfect, but with effort, communication, and love, we can overcome any challenge.
Let’s commit to being better partners, setting boundaries, and prioritizing our relationships. After all, a happy marriage doesn’t just happen—it’s something we create together.
My name is Asep Wijaya, writing for Wijaya & Co. We orchestrate to assist you navigate. Thank you for reading my posts.